Mik's Musings

The Darker Side of Us...: The healthy submissive...

Reblogged from littlepetimp

tied-up-under-this-roof:

1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years. 

2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.

3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.

4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.

5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.

6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.

7. The healthy submissive is playful.

8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty. 

9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments. 

10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent “wrongness” about those needs. 

11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships. 

12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself “as is” is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be. 

13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths. 

14. The healthy submissive hunger is to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.

His Darling Girl: Discerning Dom: The forbidden word

Reblogged from hisdarlinggirl

hisdarlinggirl:

I told the brown-eyed girl to do something for me. What exactly, I can’t remember; it’s not important. I’d encountered moments of resistance on previous occasions: imploring looks, hesitancy, playing for time. But this was different.

‘No,’ she said.

Immediately I grabbed her by the hair and…

(Source: discerningdom.blogspot.com.au)

Not Role play. Just me.: Because he owns you doesn't mean he shouldn't care!!!

Reblogged from subbieblackgrl

I agree with this, if you are looking at a romantic D/s relationship.  I wanted to make that point clear up front.  But what about those of us who do not need the romance.  If you don’t include the romantic element of a vanilla relationship in your D/s, what can you whittle the post down to… what is fundamentally safe D/s?

#1 and #2 stand on their own, those are core and I agree with them.

#3 I think can be argued, if you are not in a relationship where your RL and D/s blend, then the Dom may not have “authority” over your RL.  If that is the case, then they don’t have the “permission” to punish you or “motivate” you.  If you ask your Dom to help you maintain something like an exercise routine, you have given him authority over that part of your RL.

#4 I think this one can be split into two points, the point that the Dom needs to be interested in more than just playtime (that sounds more like Topping) and the second point about taking interest in you as a person.  A Dom should be interested in your submission, your mindset, your wants, needs and desires.  They should want to talk to you and get to know your submissive.  You are not just a placeholder, you are their submissive.

The second part, getting to know you outside the D/s. this is the one that, for me, isn’t as important (and I’ll give credit to my wife for helping me fully understand the context and scope of this).  If you are not in a romantic relationship, then what purpose does knowing your sub’s favorite color serve?  How can knowing that be useful for D/s?  As my wife reminds me, “If it is something you would only care about if they were your vanilla SO, then it probably isn’t relevant to your D/s.”  That doesn’t mean that this type of information won’t come out in a D/s dynamic, it just means that it isn’t necessarily relevant

#5 and #6 are again core beliefs, right up there with #1 and #2.

I think #7 is key to the whole idea of submission vs. bottoming.  Yes, the relationship should be mutually fulfilling, the Dom wants to be dominant, the sub wants to submit, but are you really submitting if the Dom is only allowed to do the things you want?  I think the true act of submission is when you do what you don’t want or like.  But, like your follow up to this, if your Dom is always doing things that you don’t like, then maybe it isn’t a good fit.

I think one of the missing elements is the idea that a Dom should not restrict your life (unless it is something you want).  Many of the pretend Doms will try and pull you away from friends and family and isolate you.  If you see this, run away.

In the end, I think this is a well written piece and makes good references for a majority of the relationships out there.  I think that since I’m in the minority of those who are in romantic D/s, we have a few exceptions to the rule.  

subbieblackgrl:

I read a lot of posts on here that make me sad. There are so many women who are being abused and it’s masked as a D/s relationship. People need to get some things straight here!

1) A good D/s relationship has the EXACT SAME foundation of a good vanilla relationship! You are not to sacrifice…